Naruto's Christmas Carol
by Queen Grapefruit
Summary: The Spirits of Christmas set out to teach Naruto, but they ended up learning from him. Oneshot, Naruto and Christmas Carol crossover


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto and I don't own the Spirits of Christmas anything, seeing as I myself am a stout Christmas Bah-Humbug (I don't own that either). And I don't own Ramen, outside of the few packs I keep in my cupboard.

**A/N:** Merry Belated Christmas.

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The door to a small and particularly messy apartment burst open, granting entrance to hundreds of glinting shards of crystal, a biting winter wind, and least of all it's owner. As soon as he had made it over the threshold and into his 'home', Naruto slammed his shoulder against the door, fighting the wind for possession of the messy little space. Finally, with a burst of cold and stinging crystal the door shut, though it continued to rattle in it's frame, and snow continued to slip underneath the frail wooden blockade.

Naruto shuffled forward, nursing his burning nose and thinking of nothing other than a blissful steaming hot cup of microwave Ramen. He made his way through the mess that was the floor over to the little kitchen in the corner of the room. He kicked through the piles of used Ramen in the pantry until he found one that had not yet been devoured. He sullenly peeled the top off, and poured in some water, slamming the little vessel into the microwave with undue force and then punching in a zillion numbers on the little screen. For some reason that made him feel like that would make it cook faster.

Now that his most pressing matter of business was attended to he turned around to survey his room. The floor was littered with empty Ramen cups in various degrees of decay, many with a foot print through them. Mixed in were some old clothes, all orange and all in need of a good cleaning, if not an acid bath. Scattered among all of this were some academy and genin level scrolls, presents from his 'friends'. Naruto had long ago decided to ignore the fact that they were base little insults and didn't even bother to open them anymore. Just smile and walk away, with no gift in return as his own little snub. The walls were bare, all save the word 'Demon' spray painted there by some fool, Naruto had decided that it wasn't even worth the effort or recognition of removing it.

The bed was in the corner by the window, not the safest place to sleep but when he was a child he had liked to think that it helped the villagers to remember he was still there. Now it served mainly as a landing platform for his mad dashes in through the window. And that was plain to see. The sheets were threadbare, and in most every place ripped, the mattress was lumpy and did not sit squarely as it should, the heavy winter covers were tossed about pell mell and to top it off the whole mess was dripping with snow water, mud and mildew, some from the winters previous.

There was a couch shoved up against the wall, across from the door leading to the little bathroom. The fabric was a sickly yellow color, decorated here and there with little stains and rips, many of them already present when he found it. The cushions sagged in a dejected way, but then, everything in the apartment did. Even the walls with their peeling paint.

Naruto could hear the little cup Ramen beginning to boil over, so he wandered back into the kitchen and popped open the microwave door, even though it insisted that it still had 93:38 minutes still to go. Disregarding it's shrill protests Naruto reached in and grabbed the Ramen cup, being careful not to break it, the last time he had still fresh in his memory even if the burns were long gone. Slowly he wobbled over to the counter with his precious cup, trying not to slip on the junk perpetually inhabiting the floor.

As soon as he got his prize to a stable and level surface he grabbed a spoon and dug in with utmost glee, that is until the scalding-very-near-boiling contents hit his tongue. Naruto swore and tried to ignore the laughing in his navel and waited for the Ramen to reach near edible levels of heat.

After five minutes of pacing and impatient glances at the resolutely inedible cup Naruto had had enough. Consequences be damned he wanted his Ramen and he wanted it now.

Between shoveling steaming spoonfuls and breathing through his mouth in attempts to cool them Naruto earned himself yet another empty cup for his collection, a warm and full tummy, and an earful from the fuzz brain about being stupid.

The nightly routine completed, Naruto wandered over to the little couch and absentmindedly shoved it over, examining the bottom for the little rip in which he had stored his only scrolls of importance. These all came from Tsunade, Shizune and Jiraiya, the oldest was from Sarutobi, even though it was academy level techniques it was one of his most treasured. Those were the only four he had ever bothered to get presents for, and it was a constant project for him. This year he had created a stealth jutsu for Jiraiya, perfect for his escapades at the hot springs. For Tsunade he had found a small locket made of white gold and hung on a slender chain, inside he had placed pictures of Dan and Nawaki. For Shizune he found a first edition of 'Not so Deep as a Well' a poetry book by one of her favorite poets. And in memory of Sarutobi he spent weeks teaching Konohamaru the finer points of chakra manipulation.

The tear found, Naruto removed this year's present from Jiraiya, surprisingly enough it wasn't some book for perverts but a scroll on Sealing Theory. He flipped the couch over and settled himself in for another night of study.

He must have fallen asleep somewhere between three and four point seals because he found himself opening his eyes to meet the smiling countenance of the Third Hokage. Naruto's first reaction was to attempt to dispel the genjutsu. When that didn't work he reached for his kuni holster, determined to slaughter whatever mutt thought it would be funny to imitate the Third. To his complete bewilderment the kuni that would have slammed through the imposter's eye and buried itself deep in his frontal lobe sailed smoothly through the figure and buried itself hilt deep in the wall.

"Merry Christmas Naruto." The specter said, his eyes wrinkling in delight. "Thank you for the lovely present this year, it meant so much to Konohamaru and me."

"Who the hell do you think you are you little scuzz ball!?" Naruto shouted, leaping off the couch and launching himself at the ghost's midriff, a release seal in his hands. Naruto passed right through the apparition, just as the kuni, and like the kuni before him met the wall at the other end of the room. When he turned around to begin looking for the sick caster of the genjutsu he was yet again met by the smiling countenance of the Third.

"My you have grown into a wonderful Shinobi, if I were a genjutsu or alive I would no longer be here."

"What the Hell are you!?" Naruto shouted, now completely bewildered. Not even Kurenai's most powerful genjutsu could stand up to that dispelling jutsu, and yet how could the figure before him not be a genjutsu?

"Naruto, I am a spirit, an apparition, nothing more. I have come here to tell you that you will be visited by three other spirits before the night is through."

"Why? What the Hell do you lot want with me?" Naruto asked, deciding to play along for now. If this was a joke he would personally disembowel whatever fool was behind it.

"We want to teach you the meaning of Christmas spirit." The Sarutobi ghost said kindly, the smile wrinkles again appearing around his eyes.

"…"

"Don't worry, everything will make sense eventually." Sarutobi said, ever so slightly unsettled, though he would never show it, by the blank stare the blonde was giving him, and the killer intent still wafting through the room. "The next ghost, the Ghost of Christmas Past, will be here shortly."

Naruto opened his eyes to find himself back on the couch, still somewhere between three and four point seals, in a room decidedly void of spirits. Passing off the strange occurrence as the fuzz bum's idea of a funny Christmas present, Naruto decided to ignore the kuni, buried hilt deep in the wall across from him.

Again Naruto opened his eyes, this time somewhere between five and six point seals, and this time facing what seemed to be a person very much resembling Haku, dressed in a strange shapeless white robe with a funny little light on it's head. In it's hand it held a strange metal device, very much like a candle snuffer.

"I am the Ghost of Christmas Past!" The figure said, it's voice giving no further hint as to which gender it belonged to, "Take my hand, and we will travel back to Christmases of long ago."

"Not a chance in Hell you little freak." Naruto said, again sailing a kuni through the figure's head and into the wall, next to the one already there.

"There's no need to be violent." The figure admonished, striding forward and seizing Naruto by the scruff of the neck and towing him to the window, all the while being stabbed where every major artery, organ, and nerve ought to be.

Just as Naruto was running out of ideas for places to stab, the figure leapt from the window, pulling Naruto behind him.

"Here we are, Christmas Past!" The sprit announced, looking around expectantly.

"We just jumped out the window, how does that make this Christmas Past you old fruitcake?" Naruto snarled, still trying to get free of the spirit's grip, "Do you have any idea what happens if we get caught outside tonight?"

But the figure wasn't listening, instead he was staring intently at a little figure darting from shadow to shadow. Naruto too caught sight of the little urchin, just as it dashed beneath a street lamp which revealed a shock of yellow hair and strange whiskered cheeks.

"How the…" Naruto whispered, his mouth hanging open.

"Look! The younger you, off to get a bite to eat at the local Ramen stand on Christmas eve, all the while playing ninja! Doesn't it just warm the heart!" The figure shouted, beaming down at what he thought was a child at play.

"I'm not playing ninja." Naruto said absently, all the while in a hurried conference with his tenant, who was insisting that it was no genjutsu that he could detect, and that he wasn't behind this.

"Of course you are, a happy little child off to have dinner with his friends!" The figure insisted, still beaming at the child as he dashed to and fro, glancing around furtively every now and then.

"Just you wait and see, there's a good reason he's hiding." Naruto murmured, following his younger self through the streets.

They followed little Naruto until he reached the corner of a busy street, the beginning of the last block he had to pass through to reach safety. He managed to navigate halfway across when he bumped into a drunken old man who was wobbling his way to the next bar.

As soon as the man realized that the person he had bumped into was the 'demon child' he began to shout, and drew the crowd's attention to the poor quivering child. What had started as a tranquil flow of late shoppers turned into a milling crowd of increasingly violent villagers. Soon blows began to land across the boy's face and shoulders, even sooner and the boy was curled up in the snow, desperately trying to protect himself from the worst of the violence. Just before he passed out the ANBU arrived, and dispersed the crowd. They did nothing more to help the boy however, he was left to fend for himself as he slowly made his way back to the moderate safety and warmth of his apartment, to spend yet another Christmas beaten and alone.

"Oh," was all that the spirit could say, as he watched the sodden little bundle make its way home on broken legs.

"Merry Christmas blah blah blah. I think I've had my fill of warm fuzzy memories." Naruto snarled, glaring at the spirit in a menacing and condescending sort of way.

"Yes…I think that would be best." The spirit muttered, still stricken by the act of violence he had here seen committed. What was worst was that he had chosen Naruto's happiest Christmas memory.

With that Naruto snatched the strange candle snuffer fro the figure's limp grasp and slammed it down atop it's head, extinguishing all of the light.

To say that Naruto was annoyed would be an understatement. To say that he was peeved would be putting it lightly. Here he was wasting a perfectly good evening of study with dreams about Christmas Spirits. He glared at the now two kuni stuck in his wall, as though this was all their fault.

He started back to his scroll, this time resolute that he would not fall asleep again until the beastly night was over.

Naruto didn't even bother to open his eyes this time. Instead he flicked yet another kuni half heartedly at the spirit he would no doubt find, whole and unmarred, when he opened his eyes. Exactly as he had predicted, Naruto eventually slit open his eyes to behold yet another strange spirit intruding on what he had hoped would be a peaceful evening. This time the Spirit was easily identified as male, he resembled an Akimichi dressed all in green robes with a ridiculous holly wreath on his head.

"I suppose you are the Ghost of Christmas something or other." Naruto said, completely untroubled by the giant's looming stature.

"I am the Ghost of Christmas Present." The figure chuckled, seeming to not have noticed his less than warm welcome. Maybe these spirits chose to bother shinobi often. They better be careful, before someone decides enough is enough and seals them into a bed pan.

"What, you going to show me just how much fun I'm having right now?" Naruto asked, not really caring to be polite to the intruding mammoth.

"I am going to show you places where tonight people with the Christmas spirit gather, both the fortunate and the unfortunate." The spirit said, letting out a booming laugh at Naruto's suggestion.

"Whatever." Naruto said, standing and following the undauntedly happy figure to the window. The ghost took hold of Naruto's elbow, an act he did not at all appreciate, and together they flew out the window.

The first house they stopped at was a modest little one level, with light and laughter and warmth streaming out of the windows. They passed through the walls, and Naruto regretted not putting up more of a fight when the spirit first came.

Naruto knew very well where they were, knew everyone present. They were at the Haruno house, this year's host of the traditional party for all of the rookie nine and their friends. Well, all of the Rookie nine save the one person who under no conditions was allowed within this particular house.

"Look how happy they all are!" The ghost exclaimed, positively shaking with laughter at the antics of Gai and Lee. "Why have you not joined your friends in their holiday revelry?" The ghost asked Naruto, still gazing fondly at the merry little scene.

"The first year some cotton for brain moron came up with this party it was held at Ino's house. Everyone was invited, though later I found out that I only received my invitation through politeness and excessive begging and whining on Ino's part. So I was allowed to come, stand in the corner and watch as everyone had a good time. They all blamed me because the local heart throb didn't show. Later my teammate, Sakura, went to look for him because she's pathetic that way. The next day we found out that he had abandoned the village. They blamed me for that too. After that I wasn't invited again, you should know by now that I'm the local Pariah, that's why I didn't go tonight. Besides, I have better things to do than waste my time with a bunch of airheads." Naruto said, already turning towards the wall.

"Well, it seems that there's two of your year mates missing, shall we go find them?" The spirit asked, seemingly undaunted by Naruto's disregard for the happy place, though he seemed to wither, to age in some strange way.

Again they flew through the air, this time landing in the courtyard of a sprawling mansion, the Hyuuga compound. They silently made their way to the main building, and entered to the scene of a stately dinner. There was ham and turkey, gravy and potatoes, every type of the most lavish holiday foods was set out on the table.

"Perhaps this is more to your taste." The spirit said, looking around the room, and beaming at the lavishly laid table, and the ornately dressed people.

"You mean to tell me that the Hyuuga are a good example of Christmas spirit?" Naruto snorted at him, for the first time finding the situation remotely funny.

"Why not, they have all gathered as a family, and are celebrating their good fortune, see all of the smiling faces." The spirit said looking around at the sumptuous room.

"Do you know why they're smiling?" Naruto snapped, a little exasperated by the ghost. "Half of them are smiling because they know that if they let on even for a moment that all is not well they run the risk of having their brains liquefied? That the other half is smiling because after dinner all of the children of the Branch family that have already seen one Christmas will be taken aside to a little room and there branded with the caged bird seal? Doomed to the same servitude their parents suffer? Even I know that is a far cry from Christmas spirit. Would you like to try to find some happy scene or can I go home now?"

Before Naruto's eyes the spirit dwindled, became frail and ancient. He opened his mouth as though to say something, but not a sound passed his lips. Then through the wall walked a pair of children, both of them wretched and dirty. Sobbing, they clung to his robes. He looked down at them, startled and a little frightened as the boy seemed to grow until he dwarfed the once jolly old spirit. The boy took the spirit's hand and looking to Naruto he nodded a silent greeting.

For this child was no stranger to Naruto, nor the girl. He was Ignorance, and she was Want. Naruto had known them well all of his life. As children they had run amuck in the streets, played in the dirt and filth of the village. Oh the adventures they three had shared! Slowly, ever so slowly Naruto learned to ways of the shinobi, and first the boy, then the girl became as strangers to him. Instead of following them in their wonton escapades, he now watched them, learned from them, and soon he rarely shared their company.

Naruto was not at all surprised to find himself waking up still sitting on his couch. He resigned himself to the final visit he knew would soon be on it's way, exactly as expected a third and final figure came to his room. This was not like the others, and it's strangeness caused Naruto to stray his hand from adding yet another kuni to his collection firmly lodged in the wall.

"So, you must be the spirit of Christmas yet to Pass. I must admit, of all your predecessors I am most interested to hear what it is you have to say. Hopefully you will find yourself better informed."

The spirit said nothing, but extended a pale hand for Naruto to take.

As so many times before Naruto passed through the walls of his apartment, but this time he remained suspended in the air with the silent spirit, and slowly they turned to gaze back into the room. Inside sat a man, old and tired. He was pouring over a scroll, the room was clean, though still felt oddly barren and lonely. As Naruto looked on he found a sense of melancholy passing over him.

"So, this is how it will always be. I figured as much, who would ever care to share a holiday with me, I'm the demon kid after all, always will be. I might as well accept it." Naruto murmured, more to himself than to the spirit.

"You give up so easily, I had heard differently, something about never quitting?" The spirit replied in an airy unreal voice.

"What choice do I have. Others will think what they will regardless of what I do to prove contrary." Naruto said, frowning and glaring out at the village, his gaze finally coming to rest on the monument.

"Why do you say that?"

"What I am was decided for me the day I was born. For my entire life I've fought to change that, I guess I'll never succeed. To them I am and always will be the Kyuubi no kitsune, the demon monster that destroyed most of the village."

"What of Jiraiya, Tsunade, Shizune, what of your friends?"

"What of them? My friends aren't really friends, Tsunade and Jiraiya are too busy forgetting to remember me, Shizune is too busy looking after Tsunade to bother with me."

"I am sorry. But this is not what will be, I show you only what may be should you not change."

"How do you suggest I change? What can I do that I have not already done?"

"Do not live in hopelessness."

Naruto awoke, and again looked around his room. He glanced at the scroll and found that it did not hold the same appeal that it had at the start of the evening. He glanced to his watch and saw that it was only seven o'clock. Not too late for a quick stop at Ichiraku. He stowed the scroll safely away and wrapped himself in a warm coat before heading out into the cold night.

Naruto was not the only one to be thinking about what Christmas should mean, why even the Three Spirits of Christmas had much to think over, a strange and truly rare occurrence. They had never before truly stopped to think over the truth behind some smiles, they had never considered mindless hate and foundationless blame. For the first time both parties viewed life not ad white, and not as black. They had their eyes opened to the truth of it, the purest white, the darkest black, and the grey. Especially the grey. They now saw the world as it was, a mix of everything, a giant stew pot where definition was found and lost. And where hope was the pot, the one think that held it all together into something worthwhile.

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Not sure if I like this one. Oh well, I'd appreciate a review, even if only to say it sucks. Merry Christmas!

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